1) Giving presentations -- we have to give a presentation once a semester for MD/PhD journal club. I usually spend an inordinate amount of time fixing every little detail and making sure all the citations are perfect. Then, I always get a bit flustered before I present and sometimes stumble on words. This time, nothing. My heart rate didn't even increase. Maybe the adrenaline is gone?
2) Making an entire fool of myself in front of patients -- A nurse (my age) asked if I wanted to check a patient in. Usually, I do preceptorships every Tuesday (required) and I often will do a history and physical on the patients by myself. However, checking in a patient means taking their vital signs. I have no idea how to work the scale, take temperature (with this disposable strip looking thing), or any of those practical things. So, the patient was a little boy and I had to weigh him. It took me literally a minute in silence while the parents judged my incompetence as I tried to figure out how much he weighed. Then, I had no idea how to take his temperature, and the mom had to show me...and then show me how to read it. I felt like an idiot but I guess my skin is growing thicker these days. I think that particular nurse gets a kick out of how little I know. I can rattle off the apoptotic cascade but I can't work a scale. Sue me.
3) I am no longer afraid of not knowing an answer when I get "pimped" by a doctor. Yes, this is the term that the medical field uses when a superior tries to embarrass you by asking you a question on the spot, and you have to answer intelligently. I hear it's a productive learning experience. I guess I am no longer ashamed of being a complete idiot.
4) Children -- I think I have gotten over my fears of them. I've been seeing quite a few in the clinic. There were these 2 kids (2 yo and 3 yo) who were both sick and still in their pjs. The boy's name was Thor and he had blonde curly hair! Also, I really wanted their one-piece pjs. Kind of look like the above picture but with animals and a zipper in the front! Also, the 2 yo got breastfed in the room! I have never seen anyone breastfeeding in the flesh before. Kind of strange.
Thor! Like in Aliababwa and the Forty Thieves! ("I'm Thor. Well it hurts.")
ReplyDeletealso: being a doctor seems so scary! but it sounds like you are handling it quite well. :)
ReplyDeletehahhaa! it was ALADDIN and the king of thieves, kell. and i can't believe we got drunk and took off our pants and watched that movie in dimitry's parent's house. good ol' days...i guess? lol, definitely fond memories
ReplyDeleteshan--your experiences sound really nerve-wracking, but also really amazing. i guess you eventually get used to giving presentations, being put on the spot, etc. and learn to master all the clinical stuff; i mean, everything's new to you until you become comfortable with it. i'll have to keep reminding myself of that and not beat myself over the head for shit like that when i enter (hopefully!) med school. this was an excellent read. i agree with kell, it seems like you're handling yourself really well and you know so much!! ahhh i'm so proud and impressed and excited all at the same time :-)
i have a lot to write, a lot of epiphanies and then backtracking in the past few days. but i think i'll wait and sleep on it, because you know sometimes i'm just psychotic in the evenings.